And to think the plot line that involved a grown man sucking a woman's breast DRY (an actual thing someone says on the show last night) is on the second most revolting thing to happen on last night's American Horror Story. Sometimes I feel like this isn't really a show, but morbid scribblings on the last three pages of Freshman's English spiral. Gross American Horror Story, gross.
Spoilers ahead...
I know what you're thinking: "Meredith, what if they merely implied the breast milk drinking scene, and it's all innuendo?" Ha, ha... no. If you're thinking that, then clearly you've been spared the horror that was last night's episode. Because just in case you were hoping praying that this whole breast drain seduction was a goof, the show makes a point to show actor Dylan McDermott with mouth full of breast milk. Congratulations, American Horror Story you've outdone your pilot where McDermott masturbates standing up while weeping. Next week, Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk film McDermott killing a homeless man to get an erection. No wait, this was worse. Later on in the same episode, Zachary Quinto has sex with the dead body of Clea DuVall. And don't worry, they flip her around and show her corpse makeup so you really, really know that he's having sex with a dead person. Good note.
I don't really know what to say about all of this. Yes the suckling was loosely tied together with the sentiments that Pepper accuses Dr. Oliver Thredson of harboring towards Grace's breast milk, and later Lana feeds baby McDermott her breast milk. But what was the point? Shock for shock value of this magnitude is not only revolting, it's boring. WHO CARES? Bloody Face takes his victims' skin, rapes women, makes lamps from flesh... and now hungers for the taste of breast milk? Is this supposed to flesh out the character more? Were people just sitting around in a room, farting into a bag until someone came up with this scenario?
Perhaps the biggest disappointment of this episode was that the director, Alfonso Gomez-Rejon, shot a really beautiful episode. "Spilt Milk" — which LOL OK WE GET IT, AHS — might be the funniest and most glamorous episode of the season.
Lana's exit out of the columbarium, the time jumping shots inside Bloody Face's house (past and present) and the shot leading up to Jude's solitary cell reveal were stunning. Everything is absolutely gorgeous, from the shade of Lana's lipstick in Dr. Threadson's house to her gloved hands holding the pistol. It was well crafted, well dressed and beautifully shot. It's a shame the only thing I'm going to remember is McDermott's mouth full of milk.
Plus, REAL THINGS WERE HAPPENING. Lana got out, and looked bad ass doing so. Shortly after she got her revenge and wept for the death of her lover Wendy for a hot minute, she began changing. Lana has received the acclaim she so desperately wanted and we adored watching her turn into a new kind of monster. Back in Braircliff, we learned that Grace is full of alien baby. Aliens and abduction are supposedly something the creators of this show find deeply terrifying. Perhaps they should watch more X-Files — because none of what was revealed through Grace's story was all that scary.
We also found out that Alma was still alive, and we bet every last penny we own Grace ends up hacking Alma to bits with an axe. And Jude was left in a cell to rot by her beloved Monsignor. Kudos to Jessica Lange on her cold, crazy delivery: "MY GOD wouldn't allow it." That was an excellent scene.
In fact, most of this episode was awesome. But the pointless shock tactics outweighed all the hard work the rest of the episode was doing for me. Don't get me wrong — I love crazy. Hell, I love Lana doing a DEAL WITH IT walk of shame through a graveyard, and I love Sister Jude writhing around to "Love Potion Number 9." But if you're going to make a character that no one gives a damn about lap up breast milk, make it matter.